“You’re killing an innocent baby,” my brother said.



“Well,” I responded, “You’ve stepped on an ant before.”



“I can’t believe you just compared a human life to an ant. That’s really low; I can’t even talk to you anymore,” he said. Click.



I had called my brother “just” to talk. I am not even sure how we ended up on a discussion about abortion. We had disagreed about several things throughout the conversation. Possibly because I had already downed two drinks containing rum (and maybe one with tequila), but truthfully, that probably just added fuel to the fire.



I had been thinking a lot about my family lately. But, really, when do I not think about my family? Family is important in a person’s life. I suppose some people get by without a family.



I try to consider my friends as family. But it doesn’t work. I don’t want any of them to take offense on reading this or to read a particular phrase and feel that it is a reference to them, but the thing about thinking of friends as family is that when they are busy with their own families, you are left all alone.



My family and I will never be “that” family, though. I am much more honest with myself and therefore the rest of the world than any immediate member of my family. I am not the kind of person to hide behind any so-called religion to justify the hurt I have inflicted on others or even to mask the hurt I feel that others have knowingly inflicted upon me.



Recently, I accepted my three younger siblings as my friends on Facebook. Well, I can’t say I was exactly shocked to read the comments of my younger brother on the page of a group who calls itself “I bet I can find 100 million people who admire Bush,” but I was disappointed. I always have some hope my siblings will eventually see reality more like I see it and less like my parents.


In the past nine months, my relationships with my siblings have changed. I have younger twin brothers and a younger sister. The youngest twin and I have always talked, even though sometimes we disagree and end up fighting about something. The older twin and my sister didn't talk to me. All of them judged me.


At the beginning of 2009, I spent a few months in Boise, Idaho where most of my family lives. It was a difficult transition. My grandmother, my uncle, my parents, my brothers and all their friends are uber- conservative Republican Christians. Oddly, I am the opposite; a liberal atheist. This is not my way of rebelling. My core beliefs are not defined by my relationship with my family. When I rebel, I cut my hair short and get my navel pierced.


In Boise, then, I found myself surrounded by people I could not relate to on a political or spiritual level. Often, I found we could not even relate on an emotional level. I knew this would be the case before I went there, but knowing something does not make living it any easier. Through the months, I found myself reacting less and less to things they said. To their credit, some members of my family have stopped bringing up contentious topics.


We still don't know each other. I will not understand the importance of Christianity in their lives and they are even less likely to understand my permanent and complete disassociation with the religion. I am baffled by what I see as a lack of compassion for others' suffering while they see my as an ignorant bleeding-heart liberal (I always wonder what's wrong with caring about other people when I hear them say this). While we probably will never truly be close, at least now we can talk about the weather without hanging up on each other.